Place of Father in Islam

The Importance of Fathers

It is well known that Islam places a heavy emphasis on the importance of loving and respecting parents.  In fact Allah (swt) has repeatedly mentioned in the Qur’an that parents hold the next highest status after our Lord and beloved Prophet (s).  Allah (swt) is our supreme provider, sustainer, and protector. He uses parents as a means to provide us, as we grow, with food, shelter, clothing, guidance, and protection from harm.  As creations of Allah (swt) we can never return the favors of our Lord except by being obedient and showing gratitude.  The same can be said for parents.  As children we can never repay the countless favors of our parents accept by being obedient and showing gratitude.  Allah (swt) says in Surah 17 Ayah 23:

“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor.’

However, it is important to note that the role of a father is also highly recognized in Islam.  It is said that,

“God’s pleasure is in the pleasure of the father,

and God’s displeasure is in the displeasure of the father.”

Fathers are significant because they are commanded by Allah (swt) to work hard to provide the physical, educational, psychological, and spiritual needs of a child.  ‘Ali ibn al-Husain (r) is reported to have said,

“The right of your father on you is that you should know that

it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life.”

Quran says;

Chapter 31 Ayah 14,

"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal."

Chapter 17 Ayah 23,

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour."

Chapter 29 Ayah 8,

"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did."

Chapter 46 Ayah 17,

"But (there is one) who says to his parents, "Fie on you! Do ye hold out the promise to me that I shall be raised up, even though generations have passed before me (without rising again)?" And they two seek Allah's aid, (and rebuke the son): "Woe to thee! Have faith! for the promise of Allah is true." But he says, "This is nothing but tales of the ancients!"

Chapter 6 Ayah 151,

"Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom."

"Article Regarding Good Conduct towards ones Parents by Imaam Bukhari"

Extracts from 'Saheeh al-Adab al-Mufrad' of Imaam Bukhaaree, checked by al-Albaanee.

Chapter 1: The saying of Allaah the Exalted, "and we have enjoined upon man to be good to his parents"
1/1 From Abu Umru ash-Shaibaanee who said, "The owner of this house narrated to us," and he indicated with his hand to the house of Abdullaah, that, "I asked the Prophet (SAW), 'which action is the most beloved to Allaah?' He said, 'Prayer at it's correct time'. I said, 'then which action? 'He said, 'birr (good treatment, kindness) to the parents.' I said, 'then which?' He said 'Jihaad in the way of Allaah'
Abdullaah said, "He told me these, and if I had asked further, he would have told me." Saheeh - Irwaa (1197)
2/2 From Abdullaah bin Umar who said, "The Lord is pleased when the parents are pleased, and is Angry when the parents are angry." Hasan as mawqoof, saheeh as marfoo' as-Saheehah 515

Chapter 2: Birr to the Mother
3/3 From Bahz bin Hakeem from his father from his grandfather who said, "I said, 'O Messenger of Allaah who is most deserving of my birr?' He said, 'your mother.' I said, 'who is most deserving of my birr?' He said, 'your mother.' I said, 'who is most deserving of my birr?' He said, 'your mother.' I said, 'who is most deserving of my birr?' He said, 'your father, then your closest relation, then your closest relation.'" Hasan - Irwaa (2232,829)
4/4 From Ibn Abbas, "That a man came to him and said, 'I proposed to a woman and I yearned that she marry me. Then someone else proposed to her and she desired to marry him. Then I seduced her, then killed her, so is there repentance for me?' He said, 'Is your mother alive?' He replied, 'No.' So Ibn Abbas said, 'Repent to Allaah Azza wa Jall and seek to get close to Him as much as you can." (Ataa bin Yaaser) said, "so I went to Ibn Abbaas and asked him, 'Why did you ask if his Mother was alive?' He said, 'indeed I do not know an action which can get one closer to Allaah then birr to the mother'" Saheeh - as-Saheehah (2799)

Chapter 3: Birr to the father
5/5 From Abu Hurayra who said, "It was said, 'O Messenger of Allaah (SAW), who is most deserving of my birr?' He replied, 'your mother'. He said, 'then who?' He replied, 'your mother.' He said, 'then who?' He said, 'your mother.' He said, 'then who?' He replied, 'your father'" Saheeh, al-Irwaa (837), ad-Da'eefah (under no 4992)

Chapter 4: Gentle words to the parents
6/8 from Taysala bin Mayyaas who said, "I was with the Najadaat (a group of the Hururiyyah) and I committed a sin which I regarded to be Major, so I mentioned this to Ibn Umar. He said, 'what sin is it?' I said, 'this and this.' He said, 'this is not from the Major sins, the major sins are nine: "Associating partners with Allaah, killing a soul, fleeing from the advancing army, to accuse a chaste woman, Eating Ribaa, Eating the property of an orphan, to apostasize in the mosque, the one who ridicules/derides others, and making the parents cry due to disobedience to them."
Ibn Umar said to me, 'Do you fear the fire and wish to enter the Paradise?' I said, 'of course, by Allaah!' He said, 'are your parents alive?' I said, 'I have a mother.' He said, 'then by Allaah! If you were to speak gently to her and feed her, you would certainly enter paradise, as long as you stay away from the Major sins.'" Saheeh, as-Saheehah (2898)
7/9 From Urwa who said about the verse, "And lower for them the wings of humility out of mercy" - 'Do not prevent them from anything that they love.' Saheeh Isnaad

Chapter 5: Repaying the Parents
8/10 From Abu Hurayra from the Prophet (SAW) that he said, "The son can never repay his parent. Except that he finds him a slave, then buys him and sets him free." Saheeh, Irwaa (1747)
9/11 From Abu Buraidah that he was with Ibn Umar and a Yemeni man was making tawaaf of the House carrying his mother on his back saying, "I am her humble camel where her camel would have gotten frightened I will not"
Then he said, 'O Ibn Umar! Do you think that I have repaid her?' He said, 'no, not even a for a single moan that escaped her during child birth.'
Then Ibn Umar made tawaaf of the house, then came to the Station (of Abraham) and prayed two rak'ahs. Then he said, 'O ibn Abu Musa! Indeed every two rak'ahs expiate what came before them.' Saheeh Isnaad
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10/13 From Abdullaah bin Umar who said, " A man came to the Prophet (SAW) to give him the bay'ah for hijrah, and he left his parents crying. So the Prophet said, 'return to your parents and make them laugh as you have made them cry'" Saheeh, at-Ta'leeq ar-Ragheeb (3/213)
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Chapter 6: Disobedience to parents
12/15 From Abu Bakra who said, "The Messenger of Allaah (SAW) said, 'shall I not inform you of the greatest of the major sins?' [three times] They said, 'of course O Messenger of Allaah!' He said, 'Associating partners with Allaah, Disobedience to the parents - then he sat, reclining - and the false statement.' He kept repeating them until I said, 'if only he would stop'" Saheeh, Ghaayatul Maraam (277)

Chapter 7: Allaah curses the one who curses his parents.
13/17 From Abu at-Tufail who said, "Ali was asked, 'did the Prophet (SAW) favour you with something that he did not favour for the rest of the people?' He said, 'the Prophet (SAW) did not favour anything for us that he did not favour for the people, except for what is in the hilt of my sword.' Then he removed a piece of paper and written on it was, 'Allaah curses the one who slaughters for the sake of other than Allaah. Allaah curses the one who steals the boundary posts of the land (in order to make his plot of land bigger). Allaah curses the one who curses his parents. Allaah curses the one who aids the one who does Bid'ah (Innovator).'" Saheeh, al-Mishkaat (4070)

Chapter 8: Birr is for the parents in those matters that do not involve disobedience (to Allaah)
14/18 From Abu ad-Dardaa who said, "The Messenger (SAW) enjoined me with 9 things: Do not associate anything with Allaah, even if you are cut into pieces or burned. And never leave the obligatory prayers deliberately, and the one that leaves them deliberately becomes absolved of protection. And do not drink alcohol for it is the door to all evil. And obey your parents, and if they command you to leave your worldly possessions then do so for them. And do not dispute/contend with the leader of the Muslims, even if you think you are right, and do not flee from the advancing army, even if you are destroyed and your companions flee. And spend of your property on your family. And never raise your stick against your family. And fill them with the fear of Allaah." Saheeh, Irwaa (2026)

15/20 From Abdullaah bin Umar who said, "A man came to the Prophet (SAW) intending to go on jihaad. So he said, 'are your parents alive?' He said, 'yes.' So he said, 'your jihaad is with them.'" Saheeh, Irwaa (1199)


Chapter 9: The one whose parents attain old age and he does not enter paradise
16/21 From Abu Hurayra, from the Prophet (SAW) that he said, "May he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated." They said, "who O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "the one whose parents attain old age, or one of them, and he enters Hellfire (by not serving them)." Saheeh, at-Ta'leeq ar-Ragheeb (3/215)

Fathers have a powerful influence on the healthy development of their daughters and sons.

    School-aged children show significant gains in intellectual development when their fathers are involved with them as infants.

    Involved fathers enrich their daughter’s and son’s self image.

    Children who have involved fathers show more sense of humor, longer attention spans, and more eagerness for learning.

    Father involvement helps teens to develop a strong sense of who they are and increases their ability to resist peer pressure.

Dads are role models who teach their children to be strong, flexible adults.

    Fathers teach gender roles: they are generally more physically active with their sons and more protective of their daughters.

    Fathers often think “out of the box” and offer alternative strategies for problem solving.

    Dads tend to offer more physical play than mothers, which increases the physical competency of their young children.

    When fathers model behaviors that are respectful to women, their sons are more likely to model their father’s respectful behavior as well.